I pushed aside the thorned bushes that hid my bedroom window and crawled through to land on my unmade bed. I pulled my bag open and found the packages of half used cigarettes and threw them at the wall as hard as I could possibly. They barely dented and fell to the ground. I forget how weak I had gotten in the last year. But that was in my past now, well it would be, soon enough. I’v been sober and clear of drugs for two weeks and yes, it has been the hardest two weeks of my life.
I pulled on my pajama pants and turned on my stereo as loud as it would go. I took one last look at the dented boxes that lay on the floor by my computer and then slid into bed. These last two weeks I have felt like everything I was resisting was calling out to me making my head explode in temptation. Every time i left my house all I could think of was the man on the corner of the alley smoking a joint with a bottle of “un-known” liquid in a brown bag. Everything should have been a clouding blur for me but instead it was so amazingly clear that my mind burned endlessly. It was like pulling me from a cool bath to a burning fire. I couldn’t take anymore of this.
I pulled off my blankets and hopped off the bed to find my shoes. I pulled them on and double knotted the strings. I walked to the dented boxes, put them in my bag, then reached to open the window. Before I could manage to fully open the window I heard shouting and breaking glass from upstairs I pulled the window shut and walked very slowly, very hesitantly to the stereo. I knew what I was going to hear but I figured I needed to know why. I slowly turned the volume down to zero and listened to the screaming upstairs.
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