• The end of another practice brought my mind to a stand still. It was dead time, only there to keep the adults happy while my thoughts wandered to progressions of notes. Already bored, I returned the music to its oversized folder & stood up. With nothing forcing my attention, I let my mind sift through random songs, one always shifting into another. Gravity pulled on my neck strap, reminding me of my saxophone & I quickly readjusted my belongings so I could support it with my right hand.

    I moved slowly in hopes of delaying my arrival to band, which brought on thoughts of dread. People who couldn’t care less & notes so far out of tune, they make me grimace in pain were only a couple reasons for my snail’s pace. The other reason wasn’t as simple to put into words, but it was there, lurking behind almost every thought. I’d have to say, it kept me occupied, but also distracted me in a way very few things could. And it drove my friends insane.

    Suddenly my ears were filled with music which forced me to stop where I was. The notes were located in a lower octave & my curiosity got the better of me so I had to look. I stared in awe as I watched him play & felt ashamed of my own attempts. His fingers seemed to move effortlessly as the rapid change of notes reached my ears.

    Before I could regain control from the shock I asked him what he was playing & unintentionally ended the movement of his fingers over the black & white keys. He looked up & responded gladly with a name of a piece I vaguely remembered hearing about, so I nodded anyway because I probably knew it but couldn’t focus enough to find out where. Which happened a lot the past few weeks. It was a wonder, maybe even a miracle, that he didn’t think that I was a complete idiot. But of course I hoped so much against that.

    Soon I found him walking with me to my case & we talked more about music & random other topics I usually don’t bring up with my normal group of friends. Why was this possible? I thought while he told me about a new piece he was playing. Normally guys didn’t talk to me, with my constant talk about music & art, but he didn’t seem to mind.

    After I dismembered my saxophone into the case & returned it to the corner with the folder, I continued to converse with him. Not wanting to ruin his words with the simplicity of my own, I muttered nothing but the essentials. This was what I wanted for the longest time, to talk to him. Now all I had to do was bring up the topic that brought a strange sense of nervousness with it.

    As I opened my mouth to finally say the words that haunted my thoughts, my friend yanked my arm so I had no choice but to turn around away from him. My friend warned me that we’d be late if we didn’t cross the parking lot between the two schools, but it might as well have been between worlds. I didn’t want to leave. Glaring at my friend I turned around to see him walking, already to the far door & my heart dropped in my chest from defeat before I could even begin.

    “I like you... & I was wondering if you’d go out with me. I know it’s unlikely but I still want to know...” I mumbled under my breath, sadness rimming the edge of my words from the lost chance. Sighting I swung my bag over my shoulder & walked into the cold, gray November morning.