The Bobcat Massacre of Gardner State Park
“Sometimes you just got to go out and do it without planning.” Those were the first words I remember my father saying on this magical journey. We were on the road to Gardner State Park to camp out over night and swim in the river. We brought with us a 12” inch screen T.V, hamburger meat, tin foil, bacon, mmmmm bacon, flash light, laser pointer, two person tent, blankets, pillows, soda, fishing poles, fishing bait, and some cheesy Alaskan Disney movie. I didn’t watch it though because it was not Balto. Instead I got the job of cooking food.
We had finally arrived at the park and had to pay $20 to camp out there. By the time we got there no one had been swimming in the river because it was too dark. Well except for one guy, he was just bobbing up and down in the river being dragged by the current. He was saying something, help me or save me I don’t know and I didn’t care because I was ready for some bacon. He finally shut up after a while though, so I guess that is a plus.
The only light we had was that from the million dollar RV’s or the lights from our own vehicle. We were able to set up the two-person tent in time but I got the shaft and had to sleep inside the suburban. It was an old red suburban and we called it the “Burbinator”. My dad and little sister; his little princess, got dibs for the tent and I got to have the passenger seat of the Burbinator.
We had a soccer ball and my sister would stand there and kick the ball at the tree, only for the tree to knock the ball back into her face. It was funny just watching her kick it, get hit in the head, lose her memory, look at the ball, kick it again, and bounce off the tree again. It was a never-ending cycle of retardom.
I cooked up the meat and since I’m such an amazing chef it tasted really good. While we were eating, my dad told me how there was bobcats in the mountains near us. I thought he told me it to scare me but I was sure that it couldn’t be true. Then again we were in the middle of nowhere, except for the small town nearby. Sounds like a set up to a cheesy horror movie.
The people next to us were loud and annoying. They were playing horrible music and were most likely drunk. It was no doubt that the people around them would like them dead, or at least not living. I wanted to go over there myself with a bat and smash in the radio, but it would not be the right thing to do.
We all started to get ready for sleep, my father and sister went to the tent while I hopped into the suburban and laid the seat back to fall asleep faster. It was moments later that I heard screaming outside. I looked out and saw a bobcat mauling one of the drunken guys while another drunken guy was screaming like a girl running in my direction calling for help.
I rolled down my window and started saying, “Oh my Gosh what is going on.” The drunk man started to slur something like “Bob-ie-bobli-la-do-da-cat” and I just rolled up the window sarcastically saying “Sorry, I can’t help you.” seconds later a bob cat pulled him down and dragged him off in the distance as he started to scream like a girl. I acted like this was horrible but on the inside I was really just laughing and saying, “that’s what you get.”
One of the bobcats jumped up onto the hood of the suburban so I got out. The tent had already been dragged away and I thought to myself, “This is horrible news, just horrible.” I gave the cat some of the left over meat and bacon, mmmmm bacon. We both had a truce that I wouldn’t kill him and he wouldn’t try to kill me. I got back into the suburban and drove away. The bobcats cleared a path for me and I headed to Mexico where I could forget all my past worries and start a new life.
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