• CHAPTER 41 - I'M NOT TRYING TO BE THE ANTAGONIST

    What do you do when two brothers are in love with you? You can't choose one and leave the other one to be the antagonist. And you can't always make room for another one in your heart...

    I woke late on Saturday morning from a killer migraine from thinking too hard. I didn't know why I was taking Kira's strange reaction so seriously. Maybe he really was happy for Kai and I, but just shocked to hear that I'm engaged to his brother. He seemed happy for us. I didn't know anything anymore around this house.

    I rolled onto my side after sighing and decided to finally get up and get some homework done. When I had turned over onto my side, a neatly folded half sheet of paper had been placed delicately next to me. I reached for it and flipped it open, trying to ignore my migrane so I could read it.

    Arisa,

    Went to go visit Takeuchi with Miku and Orihime. You need the rest. I'll bring you to him tomorrow, promise.

    ~Kai

    I stared at Kai's elegant script in awe and finally put it into the drawer of the nightstand. I forcibly rolled myself out of bed and before I got dressed, I rushed into the bathroom to take some migraine medicine. I dressed in whatever mood I was in, which made me end up dressing in something chic yet surprisingly comfortable. I grabbed my bag from the chair in the corner of the room and headed downstairs. As I reached the bottom, Kira was watering some of the plants on the end tables. He looked back at me as I stopped and he smiled at me.

    "It's about time you woke up," he chuckled.

    "I had a headache. I was hoping it would go away from sleeping." I rubbed my temple, "But I guess I was wrong."

    "Did you take asprin?"

    I nodded, worsening my migraine by accident, "I'm going into the study to do homework,"

    Kira nodded, "Okay. I'll be...around the house I guess." he shrugged.

    I paused for a second, assuming Kira was okay with what went on yesterday, "Hey, would you mind helping me with my homework when you're done with whatever?"

    Kira smiled again, "Sure. No problem."

    I smiled back, "Thanks,"

    I rushed into the study and shut the door behind me a little harder than intended, increasing the pain of the migraine yet again. I didn't want to wait any longer for the asprin to work, but I had no other choice. I tried to keep my mind off of the pain and I forced myself to think of what homework I should have Kira help me with. Probably just algebra and chemistry; they really aren't my forte. And, maybe if I choose the hardest homework then I can spend some quality time with Kira that I never really have been able to before. I knew he was over his severe craving, but I also knew it was still hard for him to control himself around my blood. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him to help after all?

    I shook my head, knowing I wasn't making much sense with myself. I sat myself onto the couch and dug through my enlarged backpack that somehow manages to swallow most of my textbooks and all of my notebooks and one-inch binders. I found my way to my chemistry and algebra homework that was sure to doom me if I didn't have Kai and Kira to help.

    "What do you need help with?" Kira asked me casually.

    I jumped up off the couch as he asked that. I was completely unaware of his sudden subtle presence and it scared the living wits out of me. I took a few seconds to allow my breaths and my heartbeats to slow as Kira chuckled at me.

    "Sorry," he smiled.

    "It-it's nothing," I laughed back nervously, "I-I just need help with algebra and chemistry."

    "Are you serious?" he cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, "Those are the easiest subjects."

    I beamed and set my homework aside on the ground and waited still for my migraine to pass so that I would be able to think straight, "My head is killing me," I groaned.

    As soon as I said that, Kira grasped both of my biceps and compressed his frozen lips against my forehead right where the center of pain of my migrane was. I blushed and closed my eyes and absorbed the numbing cold of Kira's lips against my forehead. A part of me inside was asking why I wasn't pushing Kira away. Kira's only my friend, he's just helping with my migraine it's no big deal.

    At least I was hoping it was no big deal. We slowly seated ourselves on the couch and his lips were still pressed against my forehead. After another couple of seconds he cruised his lips onto my cheek and cupped my neck with one hand. I shook my head lightly and gently tried to push him away.

    "I think I'm better, Kira," I started nervously, "Thanks."

    He didn't listen to me. He pressed his forehead against mine and stared at me with depressed golden eyes, an eye color I hadn't seen on anybody in a long time. He slid his hand up so that it was cupping my cheek instead of my neck and I blushed. I knew Kira was doing something wrong, but I almost felt as though I were under some sort of trance but he wasn't using that charm. The depression in his eyes were so...enticing.

    "Kira, what's wrong?" I whispered, unable to tear my eyes away from his.

    Again, he didn't listen to me. He was completely silent as he sighed, his sweet breath lingering across my face. Very subtly, he inched his lips closer to mine and compressed his lips against mine in the lightest way. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was, but I couldn't find the will power to pull away. I couldn't feel the will power to want to pull away. He pressed his lips a little harder and I closed my eyes, five thousand pounds being added to my shoulders.

    I knew for sure that Kira was upset about hearing about my engagement to Kai. Kira still loved me. He thought I'd have a better chance of being with him since he's half human. I did love Kira, but not in the way he loves me or the way I love Kai.

    Kira slid his hand and entwined his fingers in my hair and pressed his lips yet harder against mine. I didn't know how to react. I knew I wouldn't have a chance of fighting him off, but he didn't seem too forceful to fight off. I only kept my hands at my sides and we continued to sit in the silence of the commodious study room. Kira removed his lips from mine for a split half second and I thought he was done until he kissed me intensely all of a sudden. I started getting worried; he was getting carried away already. He wrapped his other arm around my waist, keeping his other hand in my hair, and gripped onto the back of my shirt.

    I grasped his shirt and tried to push him off but it was pretty stupid of me to think I could fight him off. Even though he was only half Vampire, he was still hella stronger than I was. He was kissing me yet even harder and harder. He intently forced his tongue between my teeth and into my mouth and I instinctively tried harder to fight him off.

    "No--!" I was silenced again as Kira continued.

    It was getting hard for me to breath. I was choked up on fear and confusion and Kira was giving me no breathing breaks. There was something different about this kiss, different than all of those cheating kisses I have seen in the movies. It felt more like he was trying to tell me something but he couldn't put it into words.

    Kira broke up the kiss abruptly and made his was quickly to my neck. I attempted fervently to catch my breath again and froze when I felt a pinch and then a stab on my neck. It wasn't deep, but I was still a little afraid. I always had the fear in the back of my head that he would end up getting carried away and eat me alive. I gripped onto his sleeves and waited for him to finish his bidding. After several seconds, my vison was getting blurry and I tried to push him off again.

    "Kira, you're taking too much," I whispered to him gently.

    He didn't stop. He didn't even slow down, "Kira, that's enough," I pressed my hands against his chest and shoved, "No more!"

    Kira pulled away abruptly and his crimson eyes pierced through me. I shivered intensely as he gripped my sleeve with one hand and wiped his blood-coated mouth with the other hand. I held him back at arms' length and couldn't rip my eyes off of him.

    "Arisa, you don't see it do you?" Kira asked me with a hint of sinister tone in his voice, "Being engaged to a Vampire is probably the most dangerous thing that could happen to you."

    I glared at him, "I'm tired of hearing that all the time! I know it could be dangerous!"

    "I know that you know it's dangerous but you're unaware of how dangerous," he stared into my eyes with worry.

    "But Kira," I choked myself on saying the next thing, "I love Kai. I want to stay with him."

    "I know you do," he grasped my shoulders lightly and leaned in. He had the look on his face as if he were about to break down but he had a faint smile across his face, "I just want to know if you know you're making the right decision. I don't want you to be involuntarily sucked into this."

    "I want this," I whispered, "I want him."

    "And I want you," he admitted, "but I know that's not going to happen. It breaks my heart, yes, but hopefully it's an obstacle I can overcome."

    I burrowed my eyebrows in frustration, "But Kira, you just--"

    "I'm only showing you how I feel," he was becoming more serious, "I'm not trying to drive you and Kai apart. I'm not trying to be the antagonist." he sighed, "I'm a monster, but not that kind of monster. I know better than to ruin your happiness."

    A tear brimmed one of my eyes and I looked back up at Kira, "You're serious? You care that much?"

    Kira nodded but there was still sadness in his eyes, "Yes. I'm sure Kai would be the same way if it were the other way around."

    "Kira, I love you," I started, "but not in the way you love me. You know that, right?"

    He nodded, "Yeah. But that doesn't mean that I'm letting go."

    This was the first time I've ever had a real in-depth conversation with Kira. I wrapped my arms around his torso and held him tightly, although he probably couldn't feel it but he held me as well anyways. It hurt to hear Kira say those things, about how he knows him and I would most likely never be together, but I was also relieved that he said he wouldn't try to drive Kai and I apart. Kira and I stared at each other for a moment in silence. Kira leaned down slowly and kissed me again. I was far too stressed out to process what was happening at a decent rate. The first thing I did was start kissing him back and gripped his shirt.

    There was a voice yelling at me in the back of my head, telling me to push Kira away and to make him leave me alone. I could feel the ring on my finger start burning through my flesh, through my bone, through the marrow. Was I cheating on Kai? If I'm not doing this out of love or lust or pleasure, then it means I shouldn't be right? The voice in my head was getting louder, louder. I finally pulled away and shook my head, waving Kira away.

    "Just go," I hid my face.

    Kira left without any more hesitation and I buried my face in my hands, ashamed. I'm such a whore! I shouted at myself in my head. How could I just betray Kai like that?! I didn't want to. It wasn't intended, none of it was. I couldn't think anymore. I hadn't been able to think right since I first arrived at this stupid house.

    I jumped and gasped as my cell phone rang, abruptly penetrating the lonely silence. I picked it up hesitantly and the screen said Kai was calling, s**t, does he know? I swallowed my fear and answered with a shaky hand.

    I tried my best to cover up my shaken voice, "Yeah?"

    "Hey," Kai greeted casually, "Do you want to come and see Takeuchi?"

    Takeuchi. Seeing him would have been great, but I couldn't bear to see anybody else right now. I felt so guilty, "Um, maybe not today. I'm feeling a little nauseous again."

    "Oh," Kai's voice shifted to concern, "Do you want me to come back now?"

    That was hard to answer. If Kai came back, there would be a greater chance of him finding out that I was kissing Kira. If he didn't, it could increase the chance of Kira trying to make a move on me again. I was at a complete loss but decided to play it safe and I told Kai to go ahead and come back if he felt like it. We hung up and I buried my face in my hands again and sighed. Maybe if I didn't make such a big deal about it, then it wouldn't seem like such a big deal. It was a mistake. Everybody's made stupid mistakes before.

    I'm not trying to be the antagonist, Kira's words kept ringing in my head. He knows what's best for me...so he'll leave me be with Kai. I couldn't help but feel guilty that he's feeling misery. I forced myself to think of the positives and think ahead to Kira's future. He'd probably find somebody so much better than me. He'd just realize I was a waste of time; child's play.

    "I'm sorry, Kira," I whispered to myself, "I'm sorry you have to suffer."