Her End

• Artist: 3rchaos
• Description: >.< it explains itself.
• Date: 02/28/2009
• Tags:

Her body shook, frozen in the cold embrace of doom. She lay naked under the bodies of her loved ones. Her body was bathed in her family's blood; whom even after death they tried to protect her.

Tis was the end, end of hope, end of joy, end of happiness, end of love, end of the world to her. Everything she knew was now gone. She tried to remember the now brightened memories of the day before. The warm wind brushing against her cheeks, the gleeful laughter of her children ringed in her ears, the soft kiss of her husband filled her lips, the fresh smell of winter flowers wafting throughout the house, and the beautiful sight of the mountains around her, which seemed like gods.

Her body did not stop to quiver, trembling with pain. Suddenly a bright light appeared, the corpses disappeared, the snow evaporated, a beautiful white gown adorned her body, and a door appeared in front of her, and as she opened it, relieving her family, revived, spreading their arms out to her, to welcome her back home.......

Comments

[HORRY SHIET]

Don't use the same noun too many times in one sentence, it gets kind of annoying to read, I guess. But other than that, yeah it's kinda alright. Maybe jumps into the revival too quickly? Perhaps expand a little more on a few things, the dead family, maybe a memory or two, you could slow down the death, describe it in a little more detail, maybe a bit of limbo and then she sees the light or something. I dunnoe.

[3rchaos]

its called "Her End" what would you expect it to be? and there are a LOT of people who would be interested, if your not one of them then that's your own opinion.

[b00_2]

it's not very interesting. Not a lot of people want to read about someone about to die.