• Good Morning Reflection


    I'm dead it seems, that’s where the story begins, a pretty odd place to start to tell the truth. It’s at the point where there’s no more story to happen, only to reminisce about the past. But like they say, 'The end of one thing is the start of something new.' Or at least that’s what I hear and I’m not old enough to have bad hearing. Ah, life was like a dream and I’m thinking about my last moments alive. Sure, I’d have hoped I went out with a bang, in a way that I’d be remembered for the rest of time as someone great, but I went out small and foolish, throwing my life away for a stranger on a sharp sudden impulse.I'm an idiot. A fool. A failure. A nobody.

    Staring aimlessly at the ceiling, I’d never thought of the afterlife being the same thing as the life itself. After I died; and I knew it from the odd feeling I’d never experienced before, I awoke to glowing lights in the air that looked like fire flies. It was my room; I awoke in my bed, like I had just awoken from a nightmare and became conscious in a dream. The whole world seemed like it had lost color, all except for the lights oddly shimmering around me in a green glow. I stepped up from my bed and walked over to my computer which seemed to be on and somehow beckoning me. After tapping the mouse once, the screen flashed on and I saw something familiar. It was an e-mail, When I was alive I had exchanged them daily with a good friend from Canada. She was the person I shared all of my secrets with and she shared hers with me. I hadn’t stopped to wonder why the e-mail was there, in this Grey world that was so similar to my own and yet every feeling of life seemed foreign to me. Finally it opened, and a light of pure white shined out of the computer for a mere second, it felt so warm, the first real feeling I had felt in this new existence, something that would have been expected in a fairy tale. I was blinded by the light and fell back onto my bed. By the time I could see again my blurry vision slowly came to focus on the silhouette of a mysterious girl sitting in my computer chair staring at me. I tried to sit up, but something about that light had a lasting affect that subdued me and sapped me of energy. I couldn’t even speak when the soft voice echoed across the empty room.

    “Do you remember when we met Dylan? It was a nice day, and I never thought we’d become close at first… But there was something about you.” I sat there struggling to respond, who was this girl, I wondered? Why did she appear before me like this? Was she perhaps an angel here to take me to heaven? She seemed patient, unwavering in her stare as she waited for my response. It felt like she could wait an eternity if it took that long for me to say something. A soft smile was on her lips, which was the only thing I could concentrate on for the time being.

    “Who... Who are you?” It was a struggle to speak, my energy was barren. I was almost positive I had never heard that voice before in my life.

    “You changed my life after I got to know you, it’s not surprising you don’t realize who I am though since you’ve never seen me before. Do you want to know my name?” She spoke with a very soft tone, something soothing and kind, and yet I felt like it was mocking me. It was obvious that when she came I suddenly couldn’t speak well, so I concluded it was her doing. Under that kind voice I felt a sinister mind, and all I did was stare back, unwilling to speak. The silhouetted person sat forward and put elbow to knee as if to position her self for an extended visit, and although I couldn’t see through her inhuman shade, I could feel her eyes burning right into mine. Is she going to speak? What does she want from me? How do I know her?, my thoughts flew through my head one by one in a chaotic order, but somehow other than the questions I somehow felt a period of utter relaxation. I decided to finally respond to her question as it was apparent we wouldn’t get anywhere without me doing so.
    “Yeah, Introductions are a necessity in a conversation between strangers after all” I noted with slight annoyance peeking through my voice. I slightly surprised my self by the sudden ease I had speaking, but disregarded it. I heard a sigh and she whispered the name to me, the only reason I was able to hear it was because there was nothing else but utter silence in this entire world it seemed.
    "Jibril." I sat there shocked by it, confusion and understanding came into me all at once. A most unexpected turn of events. Jibril was the name of my pen pal from Canada.
    "Wait, what?! You lost me there. I'm dead aren't I? You aren't, so why are you here? Stop being so ambiguous, whats going on here?" I said with the slightest bit of frustration, raising my voice just a tad.
    "I'm dead, everyone dies after all... But I'm not really dead. A very confusing thing, that's the type of thing it is." She said in a low, almost whisper.
    "Huh? This is just odd, How about clearing the confusion, hm?" There was more of a determined air about me now.
    "It's called confusion because its hard to clear up", she noted bluntly "But I suppose I have to, now don't I?" She said with a sigh. I just nodded, slowly sitting up. This was a weird place, with weird things that slowly started to make some kind of sense. I had guessed that she was a silhouette to me because I had never seen her before in life, that much I got... And perhaps that voice was artificial as well. Either way, nothing seemed real. I wasn't even convinced she was who she was telling me she was.
    "This is a place of reflection. A reflection of you're life. A reflection of your world. Everything in this place is made of nothing but reflection, your last chance to stare into it before you move on to something new. Your last chance to understand it." She explained, somehow making it sound like she was a guide and I was the tourist, but I didn't dislike it."
    "Wow, that's pretty deep. But I guess it is what it is. I'm still confused though, where do I go from here and why is Jibril the person that's here. I mean if your going to guide me through the afterlife like this, why not a relative or something along those lines? Why not an angel or a stranger?" I asked. As I thought about it more, all of the sense she brought to the matter was just constantly replaced by more confusion. Death really was a confusing matter, perhaps because I've never experienced it before.
    "Humans are very inquisitive by nature and always seeking answers, You're sharp as a club though. I'm here because your good for an occasional chat, period. You think things are confusing because your human, pretend to be a dog and make things less complicated for yourself" She uttered sarcastically.
    "No reason to be a smart a**, I'm a very confused guy right now. Ha, its my first experience dying if ya didn't realize." I retorted back. She didn't seem like the person I knew, but then again I've never actually talked to her face to face. Its like strangers who know a lot about each other, just completely awkward. This bad a** personality on such a soft voice, interesting.
    "Woof, woof. now can ya tell me what I'm supposed to be doing already? I haven't done much anything important in my time alive, so this shouldn't take long right?" I said with a more comfortable attitude and a smirk. She laughed sarcastically and the shadow stood up without another moments notice.
    "Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived", She spoke like a goddess reciting something out of a holy scripture or something along those lines, "Someone important said that once... Uhm, I think it was Buddha." Jibril noted, as I let out a sigh. I was right, text's like that are things that sound too composed and awkward if not read from a book or spoken by a man with a long beard.
    "Hm? What's wrong? Eh, it doesn't matter, the point of that quote is that the amount of time you spent living isn't important, You should cherish the moments that you had living it is all." She said while tilting her head up in a very thoughtful way.
    "You seem unsure of yourself. Are ya sure your not just making up a bunch of bull to sound cool?" I said looking up at her. She shook her head and giggled.
    "Yeah, I'm not too divine myself so I guess someone like Buddha isn't the person for me to be quoting. That's life though, You try different things to see how they work out for you. By the time you've reached you're end at least something you've said must've helped someone out in that case."
    "Ah I see, I doubt I've said anything that important though. Trying to act mature and actually being mature are different things ya know. I guess I just kicked the bucket too soon", I scratched my head still wondering how long this was gonna be. I was sorta enjoying spending time here though, so I didn't mind being patient, had no where else to go any how. I heard something odd in that moment though, it was a sniffling sound, Is she crying behind that unknown wall of darkness?
    "Dylan! You're as blunt as acupuncture, I'm here because you've touched me with your words! I'm not someone you've hung out with or seen everyday, you can't go around saying you've never said anything important, because I know you have! I've never been able to go to school with you or play tag with you or do anything at all, but you were important to me and have altered a lot of things about my life because of things you've said. You're a human, now stop thinking like a dog and look a little deeper into things! Find those details that make you see just how important you are dammit."
    "..." I sat there unable to speak. Her voice was quivering the whole time she spoke. I felt low for a moment but I understood what she meant. The fact she could say something like that so dramatically showed me some things I hadn't realized previously. Before I realized it though she was gone. I jumped up from my seated position and looked around, but I knew I wouldn't find her.
    "Each one of these lights represents a miracle. Something you've done, even though you haven't realized it from you're daily actions. Each one of these lights represents a moment in time that you've altered someones life. Thinking like a dog or human doesn't matter, thinking cup half full does" I heard Jibril in an almost omniscient way. I didn't see her anywhere but I heard her clearly. Glancing around the room and soaking in what she said I gasped. The little green lights, there were hundreds, everywhere. Beyond the curtain outside my window, thousands.


    The Man of Steel

    I had thought she would guide me to where I had to go, but she didn't. Where would I go from here? I opened my bedroom door; it was still broken so it was never really shut, only one hinge left holding on, but I had always tried to at least make it look normal. Stepping out into the hallway I walked through the glimmering lights, down the stairs and out the door. I hadn't thought to put shoes on for some reason, but it appeared that they magically found their way to my feet anyway. Everything was gray but the lights everywhere made it seem beautiful in its loneliness. I soon came to realize that I wasn't outside because I just felt like going out there, the same attraction I felt towards the computer after awakening was pulling me away from my home now. I walked and walked and walked but never felt fatigued and the only company I had were those flickering lights that were so bright and seemed so close, but I could never touch them. Like walking with ghosts. A sudden change to the grayness began to show over the horizon, distracting me from the lights. I had walked all the way to the school, and a red glimmer, like a sunrise was coming from the distance. I heard a tune in another language, yet the tune was so familiar. I saw the figure of a man with a great red flag marching out of that red sunrise. I waited, because I felt power in this mans image, and he was coming towards me. Finally he reached me, my vision went blurry at first and I felt the same weakness I felt against Jibril at first meeting, but I recovered faster this time around. By the time my vision returned well enough, the man was only a few feet away. I looked up at the flag he was holding; red with a hammer and sickle. This man was Russian. My gaze slowly dropped to his military hat and then to his glasses, to his mustache, to his uniform. I felt like I didn't want to be associated with this person any more the instance I looked him over. I dropped to my knees with one hand over my face to try and unsuccessfully conceal my laughter.
    "Paul, you're mustache is fake, you aren't Russian and you aren't Stalin neither" I blurted out. Yes, this was Paul, I knew him in life as a very influential friend. He also had a weird fetish for dictators and the Soviet Union.
    "Yo dill, have fun dying?" He said with a sarcastic tone that annoyed me a bit, but I shrugged it off and got to my feet reminding myself that it was Paul.
    "Yeah, dying is a blast. Couldn't do much alive anyway, at least I have the care free comfort of knowing that there really is an afterlife now." I explained in a bored relieving manner. My eye twitched a bit at the annoying expression on his face.
    "Dill, Watch out for the stampede!!!" he shouted while pointing past my head. Moments later I heard a rumbling sound and we were wearing viking helmets, chainsaw strapped on my back, and some kinda huge rocket launcher on his. He was holding a battle axe, and there was a sword buckled down into my belt. What the hell?! Was the only thing I could think at that moment. It was the most awkward thing I had ever witnessed, color had returned to the empty world in a flash of mystic light.
    "HERE WE GO! GAIGA CANON!!!!!" He wailed, chucking his axe at lightning speed past my head. Eyes wide and wind flowing through my hair, I heard an explosion in the background, I frozen in place. The axe came so close to my head that it snipped off a few hairs, nothing noticeable though.
    "Dill, stop standing there, Nazi's are on the way, board you're raptor and lets go." I finally turned around to see flames and battle across the horizon. Nazi's? Since when did Paul's imagination become heaven? What is this sickly random reality!? The next thing I knew I was riding away on what appeared to be something out of a Jurassic Park movie, John Williams composure's playing in the back ground. Fear. It was the one feeling I had thought I'd lost after dying. Paul riding next to me was now wearing an oddly shaped visor. He took it off and the world went silent, everything else froze except us. Someone just hit the pause button on a movie I couldn't stand to watch, and if I wasn't in it I was sure it would have been corny anyway. Everything returned to black and white.
    "Hey Dill, you say something?" He said, in a voice that almost seemed cool, all except for the fact that it was Paul's. His was a voice hard to take serious, but something frightened me about it in this moment. Perhaps more creepy then frightening, I'd wager on a mixture of both.
    "Huh? What the hell is going on Paul? Stop treating my death like your fairy tale, I don't need your random manipulations giving me a heart attack enough to snap me back to life."
    "I thought you said something along the lines of 'couldn't do much alive'. What the heck is that all about, you were always the one telling me that anything was possible!"
    "Well after I died I snapped back into reality a bit to late." I argued, this type of conversation seemed normal in life. Talking to Paul was always something new, and usually involved things along the lines of the town of Shirley taking over the world or secret training under the man of steel.
    "Don't give up that easily! You're still you after you're gone from earth, so why should there be a difference in your thinking now! Well I've got a great quote for you brother, something inspiring that gave us both the ability to succeed while you were alive. Just a thought, but a powerful thought!"
    "Dammit Paul, if you quote Buddha, I swear!" My eyebrows narrowed, what was with all of these quotes?
    "Buddha? No not Buddha, better then Buddha Dill!" He shouted. Just his voice was inspirational at this point, I was already anticipating what he was going to say, even though knowing Paul, it would be something not even worth hearing.
    " 'Don't believe in yourself Dill! Believe that I believe in you', sound familiar?" A smirk formed on both of our faces and I patted him on the shoulder, just realizing that we were no longer sitting on raptors and the whole scene was back to normal. This world was filled with outstanding surprises. We both laughed to tears.
    "Even after you die there's always a path to take, don't lose track of it even if you can't see it yourself. You're mind is a music box and I'm the key, Anythings possible so don't forget that."
    "Ha ha ha, Paul you sound ridiculous saying all these things!"
    "Ha! Yeah I know!"
    "Yeah, but ya know, ya made me realize something I completely forgot in the moment of my death. Thanks." I said, still smiling and laughing right along side him. All my fondest memories of him consisted of random stories he portrayed to me like the craziness I experienced earlier. It felt like something of a finale, but now it all had a meaning to me, however ridiculous it sounded.
    "Well you have the point now! And now I will make my dramatic escape that will be remembered for eternity!!!" He shouted and the ground began to shake again. The ground crumbling beneath him, a giant robot like something out of a cartoon burst through solid earth under him. Jumping onto its shoulder paul laughed as he flew away into the stars. Again abandoned high and dry, the world was silent and I was left listening to it.


    Action and Consequence


    Walking with an aim this time I strolled into the direction I felt I should, willingly. I was excited even in death, and all of these lights were nothing but inspiration. I felt I had altered the entire world and it made me feel special. Walking down the side walk I heard the sound of a chain swinging back and forth, it was the familiar sound of a swing set. Walking over I saw a young girl, she looked around six or seven years old but I was sure I had never met this girl. There was something different about this encounter, the feeling that was pulling me to where I had to go led past her. There was an ominous presence about her, but she looked so delicate. I had never met a real stranger in this world before, obviously it was natural to go against my better judgment and go speak to her. Whats the worst that could happen after all, I'm already dead, I thought with naivety. Walking across the playground and standing next the the girl as she swung back and forth, hardly moving at all though. She looked depressed or in deep thought, it was a look that didn't suite someone so young; almost as if she had been bullied.
    "Hey there girl, what are you doing here? Isn't it lonely to play here all alone?" I asked in a friendly manner, hoping for some clarity in her response. I waited a few moments, but she just squinted her eyes and stared down at the muddy ground of the playground.
    "Alright then, ya don't have to talk to me. Do you mind if I take a seat here then?" I motioned towards an empty swing next to her. I figured that I was dead and had eternity to get where I needed to anyway, a little detour couldn't hurt. The girl shook her head back and forth a few times in refusal. I scratched my head and walked around and sat on a swing two seats down.
    "Fine, I'll sit over here then." I said casually. I had always had a liking for kids, they were so much simpler to talk to then people my age, so for that reason I developed a great patience for dealing with them. As I watched her she looked over for a moment but quickly looked away when she saw I was looking back at her.
    "Oh wow, you sure are a shy one, I promise I don't bite" I said a bit playfully. She had about shoulder length hair it looked like, but I couldn't be sure since they were in pig tails. She sat there in overall's and had a pretty muddy face, it made me think of her as a bit of a tom boy. Moments later it seemed she developed some confidence and looked up at me without looking away. She had sad blue eyes that were trembling, or at least I imagined them blue in this gray world. I just smiled back hoping that she'd talk to me a bit.
    "The dog. You saved him." She yelled at me with a forced smile. The type of smile someone like her shouldn't have had to show at that age. It was a protective smile. The type someone gave for somebody else's happiness at the expense of their own. A very sad smile indeed.
    "Oh? did I? Yeah... A silly way to die really. An impulse and nothing more" I said facing up to what I did again. I looked back on it for a few moments while a tear she didn't mean to let out fell and she wiped her face, looking away.

    The Incident
    Just another day. A normal day so far. No drama. Nothing life changing. Me and my buddies were walking home from school, heading over to my buddy marks house. It was an instance where I froze. There was a dog walking down the side of the road; not a big dog, it was a puppy with a tag and everything, probably scared and confused. It looked so young, less than a year old, and looked so cute, unfortunately that cute look was accompanied by the look of being lost. The screech of trouble was down the block however, me and my friends backed up far from the road. There was a truck out of control swerving back and forth going at least 60 in this 30 mile zone. I froze when the dog ran into the middle of the street to greet it. What should I do?! I thought in a panic, I can't let something so unfair happen to that creature. That's how I felt anyway, but I was bolted to the ground, I was human after all. I didn't have any more time to think and I broke loose from my icy stiff position though, I knew for a fact that none of my other friends would; they aren't bad people but they weren't that nice either. I thought I wasn't going to make it, the dog was perfectly in the path of that truck. I could hear my friends yells but none of them chased after me, they were just utterly hoping their voices would bring me back, for some reason I made an obvious note that Steve Kosloski wasn't calling me back, maybe it was just something to think about to try and push the reality of the situation from my mind. Deep inside I wanted to listen. On impulse I didn't. On impulse I pushed the dog out of the trucks path. On impulse I died in an instance. Just another day. A normal day. No drama. Nothing life changing. That's the description of every day of my life. Today that description changed for a moment in the lime light. My last word was something ironic. Lying on the ground the dog walked by and sniffed me and then walked away as if nothing happened. I read it's name off of its dog tag.
    "Lucky"

    "No! It wasn't silly! You saved the doggy, don't say it's silly!" The girl yelled, getting a little more confident as she talked to me. It tickled to think that I was being lectured by a kid.
    "Ya know, you're really mature and all for how old you are but I still wouldn't expect you to understand. How old are ya anyway?" I asked trying to change the subject. She was a stubborn little girl.
    "Would you do it again if you had a do over!?" She asked me. That was a hard question, This was a pretty determined grade schooler.
    "I-...Maybe" I said uncertainly. I was the one looking down now. I was put in a corner by someone possibly less then half my age.
    "No! you're not allowed to say maybe, just yes or no!" She cried.
    "Look, its more complicated than that. This isn't a video game, there aren't any do overs!"
    "Pretend!"
    "No"
    "You wouldn't save the doggy again?"
    "Not that, no I'm not going to pretend"
    "You have to!"
    "No I don't!"
    "Yes you do!!!" She yelled louder. We stared at each other for a few seconds, I couldn't believe I was arguing with this kid so intensely, it was actually amusing. I just wanted her to understand that I didn't wanna think about jumping in front of that truck again.
    "Look! You have no idea what it feels like to die. It's cold and painful and something that could make decisions like that hard." I explained. Her eyes wavered and she looked down into the dirt again.
    "Yes I do." The little girl muttered with the saddest expression I had ever seen.
    "Excuse me? You mean you're..." It was hard for me to say it while looking at her. Something hard to swallow. She nodded as a tear fell from her eyes again. We both stared down at the ground in silence together. She was so young, what could have killed her? I wondered solemnly.
    "You somehow know how I died, but I never even thought that you might have been at the same point too. I'm sorry. How did you know about the incident with the dog though? I'm... confused" I said sadly while still looking at the ground. Through my peripheral I noticed her look up and sat up in a similar fashion.
    "I watched it happen. When the man hit you I was standing over on the sidewalk." She said in a way that made me shiver for some reason.
    "Wait, How did you...-"
    "-Die?" She cut my sentence off, but all I did was nod. I could feel I wouldn't like the answer but I felt compelled to know.
    "When the bad man hit you, he took a sharp right onto the sidewalk straight into me while trying to avoid you... just a bit to late." I began to shake. Was she really saying that it was my fault that she died? How could I play god like that?! I saved the life of a god damned dog and ended the life of both myself and an innocent little girl. I'm a monster. I thought to myself with a blank stare at the ground again while I continued to shake. If I hadn't done that, the man would have just heard a thud, that dog was small, he wouldn't have realized he hit it till afterwords.
    "But, don't you hate me than? Don't you realize that I'm the reason you died?" I stuttered trying to compose myself.
    "Yeah, I hate you a lot. But you saved the doggy. At first I didn't wanna talk to you because I was blaming you as if you actually intended to have me killed. I talked to you though and I changed my mind. You didn't mean to do it. You know what all of these lights represent right?" She asked waving her hand slowly through the air as if to pretend to play with the lights.
    "Yeah I've heard. They're all moments I changed the lives of someone else, right?"
    "Yup! But it doesn't mean that every single one of these is good. Bad things change people too. My death is represented by one of these lights and so is the sadness of everyone who's mourned for me and you too."
    "Oh!? I-... I see. Somehow these beautiful lights seem like they emanate a much sadder glow now." I mentioned as I grabbed the chain links of the swing and leaned back looking up at the sky.
    "I wouldn't want you to change what you did though. I was hoping someone would save the doggy, but I was way to afraid to move, I was shivering and scared. It's easy to look back on something and say 'I would have done that', but when the situation happens you just freeze again. I'd never want a doggy to get killed like that. I might have died but it's alright because I died because you saved that dog. If you ever really do get that do over, please do just the same thing."
    "Isn't that a bit selfish of you?"
    "Yes!"
    "Heh, alright then. You're still allowed to be selfish at that age I suppose." I blindly agreed just to make her happy. I wasn't exactly sure I could even manage to pull up the courage to commit such an act again, let alone doing it while I have doubts on wither I want to or not. While I was dazing she jumped up off of her swing and pulled one of my hands off of mine. locking pinkies she smiled at me.
    "It's a pinky promise! You can't break a pinky promise no matter what!" She said with that same smile she gave me when we had first met and a cheery voice that made me tear a bit.
    "Hold me to it then." I responded giving a thumbs up. The girl gave one last smile and then started to run away giggling. I jumped off of my seat and ran a few steps after her but instantly saw it was useless. I cupped my hands over my mouth and yelled with all of my might.
    "MY NAME IS DYLAN! THIS ISN'T THE LAST TIME WE'LL MEET!" I had hoped she heard me, she was far away by now but I didn't think out of earshot. I grinned when she turned around waving her arms in the air like someone stranded on an abandoned island, attempting to get noticed.
    "I'M SOPHIA! AND I'M 9 YEARS OLD!" She yelled in an excited manner before she turned around and disappeared like a spirit. She acted a bit older than she was, but maybe that's something death does to you. Reflecting for a moment I walked off towards whatever was pulling me. Yeah, this was just a detour, I don't think I was supposed to meet that girl, Sophia she said her name was. I was glad I did though. Ha ha ha ha, 'lucky' I thought as I walked away.


    Counter-Guidance


    I had never walked this way before, I could see black spots everywhere, like holes in this world that didn't exist. I had to keep aware of not stepping in one or else I had no idea where I'd end up.

    "Well Jibril did say something about this only being a world of my memory", I had said out loud while cautiously relaxing. I must have come this way only by car, the holes being the things I had never looked at. Where am I heading? I wondered a bit sceptically, I never realized till I got there. My mother's job was at a restaurant; she was a waitress. I had only been in there a few times and as I opened the door I smelt the wonderful aroma of food. Looking around I was cautious, there were holes everywhere, it was a very unfamiliar place and one misplaced step could send me plummeting into the unknown. I bent down and stared into the darkness of one of the wholes and felt dizzy just standing over it, there didn't even seem to be a bottom, was it perhaps an illusion? I didn't know. I reached down to stick my hand in but stopped when I heard someone behind me.

    "I'd stay away from those if I were you sweetie, there's an endless purgatory down there. Fall and you'll never come out." The voice of an older women said from behind me. I spun around in an instant.

    "Mom!" I yelled hugging her for a moment. I had been half expecting to see her here since the moment I noticed where I was.

    "Sometimes if you listen you could hear people down there, so far away. I'd hate for something like that to happen to you, it's sorta like a trap for people who never went out and explored this wonderful planet; the less you've seen, the less there is" She said thoughtfully. It frightened me a little, the fate of someone blind was sealed from birth I suppose. How sad.

    "Dylan, why did you leave me for a damn mutt? After all I've sacrificed for you, this is how you repay me!" She shouted painfully as she changed her mood in an instance, I winced but kept my composure. I'd probably be unable to give a good answer if not for Sophie, but I learned a lot since my action to save that dog and I thought it was a good thing I did.

    "Yell at me all you want, but if I could I'd do it all over again... If I had a do over." I smiled unable to look at her face, such a painful expression.

    "What!? How could you say that? You'd leave me again, and for a dog?" She sat there in disbelief.

    "Yeah, if not just to teach you a lesson, but I made a promise with someone else that I would. Ha ha ha, it was a pinky promise", I laughed a bit while thinking back.

    "You're kidding me right? You left me and everyone else behind after all I've sacrificed for you." She was starting to sound repetitive, but it was something I was used to in life, she always tried to repeat whatever she thought sounded the worst over and over again just to get people to feel bad. I think after knowing her long enough it's stopped working on me. She really has sacrificed a lot for me though and now I've just disappeared. She worked without a single day off just to barley make it. I tried to never ask her for money, but there were always times when I did and even if it was her last cent she'd give it to me with a bit of yelling on the side. I loved making her happy even though she wasn't a lot of the time. Even so, I couldn't seem to remember a truly touching moment between us, just yelling, but I still loved my mom dearly. She's just been stressed out ever since my dad left, which was pretty much all of my teenage years and has been taking care of me and my brothers alone ever since.

    "What am I here just to listen to you cry? All of the other people I was drawn to taught me a lesson and said a fancy quote that touched my heart, but you-... you just sit here and lecture me about how I shouldn't have left you all alone. How could you say I left you all alone. I am what I am today because of all of your sacrifices, isn't that enough?" I told her while waving my hands around, like most Italians do when they're explaining things dramatically. She seemed to have been caught off guard.

    "Ah I see, no quote. Ha, then I guess it's my turn to say something magnificent now isn't it? You're always worried about me, and now you think I'm in a far off land where you'll never see me again, but that's not true. I'm not an English professor and I don't memorize things like quotes often but, I do on occasions memorize quotes that I think are saying something important. Now I never memorized who said this, but it sounded wise so I took it to heart. Come with me." I said while grabbing her arm and leading her outside. I then pointed at the sky, past the green lights to the heavens.

    "What do you see up there?" I asked, determined to hear the right answer.

    "Huh, what's this all about, there's just a bunch of stars up there." She was starting to get annoyed I could see, but I was confident that what I had to say was important.

    "Exactly. Take a look at those ones right there, those few that are really close to each other, ya see them" I pointed at a certain area of the sky.

    "Yeah, and?"

    "That's Orion's belt. For me it's always the easiest constellation to find ha, I have trouble even finding things like the big and little dipper, but that one I could find no matter what if its up there. So tell me mum, what do ya know about stars and how close they are to each other?" I asked. It was an awkward question that sounded pretty random. My mom seemed a bit more confused than annoyed now, which was good in a sense.

    "Uh, well they look pretty damn close to me, I mean you said yourself that they're close." She noted staring at me as if my explanation had better be good. I smiled though, she was always like this.

    "Ha, well you misinterpreted me then, I said they look close, not that they were. Its strange really, and here's where I demonstrate my quote see, 'Stars, they look so close together but in reality they are millions of miles away from each other'. We're both stars in the same sky mom, so no matter how far away from each other we are we'll always be able to see each other again when night comes around. It might be a bit far fetched, but I really feel like its true." I said, looking away and mumbling a bit at the end.

    "Dylan, that was corny as hell, It actually does make some sense though" She said, not exactly angry anymore, but more at an intersection between.

    "I hope you aren't going senile on me here, I was always a corny person. You raised a good boy mom, don't you ever forget it. My only regret is dying a virgin ha ha ha" I said sarcastically while scratching my head and walking away not quite paying attention. People in this world tend to walk away from conversations at random instances anyway, so I decided to pick up on the concept.

    "Dylan! Where are you going!?" She yelled behind me. I laughed.

    "We're like the stars mom, we're like the stars. Dawn comes at inconvenient times sometimes, but the dusk will always follow after sunset! It's a law of nature, try and pick up on it a bit" I yelled back without looking back at her. That was my final goodbye to my mother, the next time we'd meet would be my final greeting as well. Unfortunately I didn't see what was coming next, I was too busy trying to make an interesting exit and I wound up falling right into a blank hole.



    Fireworks in the Dark, The End of a Dream


    It was suddenly dark and silent. I didn't have the sensation of falling, but I knew I was, the fear and torment was there. It was different than falling though, it felt light, almost ethereal. It wasn't long before the light of the openings were gone though. I could imagine my mother screaming into the emptiness, and I wondered what would happen when I hit the bottom... if I ever hit the bottom that was. Would it hurt? This is really the end, there isn't a road for me to take in an eternity of blackness I thought solemnly to myself, Was that whole conversation with Paul for nothing? Would anyone hear me if I screamed? This type of falling didn't give anyone the feeling to scream, but I felt like screaming for help. I didn't want it to end this way. I made to many promises and learned too many things. Should I except my fate? My mother told me that there was no way out anyway. Paul told me that anything was possible though, I just didn't see a way. After all I've been through though I wouldn't give up.

    "HELP ME GOD DAMMIT!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs grasping upwards. I didn't know what I was reaching for but I never felt more determined to grab it than I did now. Just then I did though, it was a moment of shocking relief. I gasped but only saw darkness; whatever I was grasping was metal and was pulling me upwards. I saw the light of the world I fell from getting larger and brighter as I got closer. I crashed through into the brightness, and my eyes slowly adjusted to the light to see that I was somehow holding on to the wing of a jet plane. It was unreal. I looked through to the cockpit to see a figure, but I didn't know who it was because they were wearing a helmet. The pilot wasn't watching where he was going though, just staring to the side out at me with two thumbs up. It was surprisingly easy to hold on to the wing, but I didn't question, I was just happy. I was really happy. I was happy until the plane plummeted out of control and crashed into an empty office building. Flying off the wing I skipped like a rock on water a few times through the building and then out the opposite window and onto the pavement on the other side. It was true, I did feel the pain of the impact, but I was able to remain conscious since I was already dead. That was something I wasn't too happy about. Lying on my back I rolled over and slowly pushed myself up to see a shining figure bathing in sunlight standing on the remains of the plane, one foot was still in the cockpit but the other was balanced on the front of the plane. The mans left arm was hanging limp and the other was holding his helmet heroically. He was an awesome shadow, back against the sun, I brushed myself off while I waited for my eyes to adjust and focus. When they finally did I got up and chucked a rock at his head, it hit dead on and he fell out of the cockpit of the plane, which was sticking out of the second story window, head first into the grass in front of me. Waiting in an akimbo position I grinned as he slowly got to his feet and I saw Paul grinning back at me.

    "Thanks for the save buddy." I said without removing my gaze and holding my hand in a tight fist at shoulder level.

    "Well if you never reached out it never would've happened. Ya didn't give up even at the bleakest of moments. I'm proud of you Dill!" He cried as he punched the ground slowly getting to his feet.

    "I don't think the crash landing was necessary though."

    "Nonsense! We're Somali pirates! It was definitely necessary!" He cried with his usual logic. I just sat there and laughed as he turned around and walked away into the sunset.

    "Well off to the land of tea! Remember Dill! Always believe there is a way, that's the only way a way will appear!" He shouted as he walked away. I winced as he made the same mistake I had made and fell into one of the empty holes. Sweat ran down my forehead and I scratched at my hair.

    "Ehe, He's a complete moron..." I said to the air. Moments later though he burst out of the hole and into the air with a jet pack strapped to his back.

    "WAHAAAA!!!!! BELIEVE DILL!!! BELIEVE!!!" he screamed as he flew into the distance and disappeared.

    "Yeah, I'll catch ya on the flip side buddy" I whispered to myself as I looked around unable to know where to go next. The feeling that pulled me along this whole time was gone. Suddenly the black spots filled up and everything that was unknown to me in this reflective world was there. Soon I heard the sound of a train and I instantly bolted towards it's thunder without thinking and without knowing why I did. I ran into the distance, past buildings and through fields until at the top of a hill I had never been to before I found a huge train sitting there in a mist of smoke. There were no tracks in sight, but I ran over to it anyway and jumped on to it. There was an intense feeling that this would bring me to where I had to go. Running through the empty train I finally took a seat near the middle just as the train took off. Looking around it, it was very old fashion with nice cushioned coach seats and bright styled designs, a fancy carpet ran down the length of the isle's. Moving my gaze out the window I gasped as lights flew past the window, they weren't my green lights, but they were bright white, like stars. The voice of someone old and wise echoed behind me while i was in my trance.

    "This is a train with only one stop and that stop is wherever ya need to be." The voice rasped. I jumped, turning around and looking into the eyes of an old bearded fella. He had a long crinkly nose and bushy gray eye brows. That's when I noticed that this train was filled with colors which was unlike the tones of the world of reflections. I was speechless. The mans eyes were the most wonderful color of gold.

    "Ya don't need a ticket to ride this train, ya just need to have been enlightened to a certain degree, meanin` ya passed the reflection of yer life. I can tell ya had just by lookin` at ya, cause that's what I can do. I'm the conductor, and yer one of my many passengers." He trailed on and on in an odd way.

    "Yeah, nice meeting you." Was the only response I could think of.

    "The people you've met on your journey to this train were very influential people to your life, but they won't remember anything of the conversations they had with you. Nope, no sir-e! I mean not until they die that is. At that point they'll remember it all, but till then it'll be a blank slate." The man talked on. He was very good at making long conversation it seemed.

    "Why are you telling me this?" I asked a bit exhausted.

    "Well cause that's the type of stuff most a yawl folks are worried about when ya bored the train, so I figured I'd give an answer before ya asked"

    "I see. Well thanks for the information."

    "Oh boy! Isn't this nice, there's another person on this train in the next cart! You two must've been connected somehow, I know cause that's what I can do. Don't ya wanna meet the feller?" The conductor asked suddenly. My eyes widened and I got up to run to the next cart, but the conductor stopped me by grabbing my arm and holding a trinket out in front of me. It dangled beautifully, it was a necklace and looked expensive and mystical. There were intricate designs all along it and in the center of it was a small capsule, and in that capsule was a light like a fire fly, it was one of the lights from the world of reflection.

    "It's a souvenir and its your's. It's the culmination of all of your life's deeds" He said as he dropped it into my hands and walked in the other direction. I stared at it for a moment, it looked incredible. I looked away soon though and bolted towards the next cart over. passing by each seat I looked back and forth looking for her until I finally spotted someone. I saw a little tom boy wearing dirty overall's with big tails.

    "Hey Sophie, you ready to take a journey?" I said as I sat across from her. She nodded with an excited smile and our journey began, wherever that journey was to. I smiled back, I was right. Blue eyes.