intro to my book

• Artist: thomlina
• Description: this is a book i am writing please tell me if it's any good and if not tell me what i can do to aprove. it's about this fantasy world i created. a wonderful world that has everything. please comment.
• Date: 01/16/2010
• Tags: intro book

INTRO....

The forest is a dangerous place. Especially a forest like this one. The forest location is unknown to mortals; they don't even know it exists. There are rumours of people going in and never coming out. It's all true; any moral who goes in meets the most terrifying creature in existence. This creature has no name so it is called the nothing; the nothing is a terrifying creature with its three heads and a lizard tail. This nothing can eat 20 mortals for breakfast and not think anything of it, however this forest has good creatures also, such the elfin tribe, the centaur herd, the wizards and witches and so much more. Not all are good the owner of the nothing is a man so dangerous so powerful, his name Damien. Many are afraid to even speak such a name, the forest it self is magical let no one in until that day when.....

Comments

[thomlina]

thank you

[Stormgem]

Not bad. Something to work on for you, (I also need to work on this) is showing rather than telling. You have clearly introduced the main problem ect, but have almost over simplified it. Basically what I am trying to say is maybe build on the idea of your nothing creature, inform us of some of its most horrific feats or traits, rather than just breifly touch on its exsistance and then going on about the other inhabitants of the forest.