I never was a really religious person. I mean, I always felt right knowing that someone is there, watching over us. I might have even visited the church once in a while. I was Christian Catholic, therefore I believed in one God, and the rest were Angels. My dad always used to say that there is more to it, than just one God, but I ignored all of his warnings. He took me to church once, a week after my sixteenth birthday and that was the day everything changed.
The priest raised the wine and the words of Jesus himself rang through the church.
We all walked up to the front and kneeled before the priest as he gave us the Flesh of God. “Amen.” I muttered and walked away, my hands together. I sat back down and kneeled again so whisper the most silent of all prays.
Suddenly, I heard my voice bounce from every wall in the church. As if I were to yell my prayers out.
My head jerked up and I saw that all eyes were on me. I looked at my dad whose eyes shone with something I couldn’t read.
“I…” I tried muttering an explanation. “I… er, I could swear I whispered.”
“You did.” I heard my dad say. He jerked my hand up and somehow we ended up in front of the church. The snow fell around us, slowly, covering the dark floor with light and beauty.
My father stared at me for a moment, then leaned down so he could look into my eyes, his arms resting on my shoulders.
“Your mother… uh… she is… a Goddess.”
A few days earlier, in my high school. A day like any other. I and my best friend stood in the hallway, next to my lockers. We discussed my almost-boyfriend as she stuffed her locker with her books.
“I don’t know, Kia, he is The Alex Downhill. And you are… uh, could you pick that up for me? You are – thanks – you are lucky enough for him to like you back. Go for it!” Jenny said, while two books fell out of her hands.
“Jenny, he is addicted to me and alcohol. God knows what these two mixed together will create.” I leaned on my locker and stared at the wall in front of me.
Alex was the most popular guy in the school, the hot football (British that is) player. Ever since he joined the team, we won every single tournament and every win, he and his teammates took a trip to the closest bar and came back to school after a few days.
Once he took me with him to that bar and the memory wasn’t great. The boys attempted to do more than just kissing with me and after Alex tried –yes, tried- protecting me, they started fighting, while the others kept going on all over me.
I walked out without any hesitation, but I had to admit that I did expect him to walk out after me.
However, he didn’t.
Thus, I decided to ignore him until I hear a proper apology from all of them.
I never did.
I sighed. I still couldn’t believe that I have forgiven him so easily.
“Kia, how many times do I have to tell you? He told me he stopped with that. He didn’t go to the bar last time they won, this is something!” she finally closed her locker and sighed. “I don’t want to think about what will fall out of this thing on Monday.”
I chuckled. She suddenly looked at me. “Hey, you know, I saw that awesome shirt in H&M. It was so gorgeous I just couldn’t stop staring at it. It was pink with no sleeves…” and she went on, babbling about. Jenny was that sort of person. She had short blond hair and green eyes. She could talk an hour about something so unimportant, it was unbelievable. For most people she seems annoying, but I liked how she spoke – I didn’t have to worry what to tell her or whether I should keep up with her.
We walked outside and we saw Alex and his two closest friends, surrounded by girls. That included May and Cady – the biggest bitches of the school. I looked away and walked over to my black Renault Senic. Jenny followed me, still babbling about that same shirt, until she asked me, “Hey, do you want to go buy it tonight? We could stop by the mall and buy a few more things. I also saw those jeans – they were amazing! You would look so great in them…”
I stared behind her, at Alex. He seemed very interested in what some girl was telling him. I frowned and opened my car. As soon as the lights blinked, I saw his head jerk up.
“Kia!” he yelled. Sudden silence covered the parking lot. Then, slowly, the group of girls started talking again, as if nothing happened. I stared at him, he stared back. He squeezed through the crowd and ran up to me. Jenny kept on talking as if she either didn’t notice or didn’t care about what was happening around her.
“Kia…” he breathed. Then Jenny jumped up and looked at him.
“Man, you scared the bananas out of me! What were you thinking, coming up onto me like that?” She said, her voice not so energetic anymore. I knew she felt attraction towards him – every girl did. She was my friend, however, and she respected the fact that he liked me and cheered us on.
“Uhm… so, I’ll be in the car.” She said and grinned at me. She mouthed me a silent scream when she was on the other side of the car, then went in.
I stared at Alex for a moment then looked away.
“Did those girls tire you already?” I asked, looking behind him to meet May’s eyes.
“They were a bother from the start.” He said, staring at me. I looked up to meet his eyes.
“Alex, this is not going to work.” I said, my eyes rolling onto the floor.
“Wh-what?” he asked. I sighed.
“I can’t be with you if you’re going to drink so much.” I said.
“What’s wrong with drinking?” he asked. He was never smart, just like any other football player. “We were celebrating our victories, I already let go of that last time for you and you can’t make me do it again.”
I looked up at him, a bit mad. “And that is exactly why we can’t be together.”
He looked a bit startled. “No, Kia, please.” He said as I turned to the driver’s doors and wanted to open it, but he grabbed my hand and turned back to him.
He held me close to him, placing my hands on his chest. If someone might have looked at us at that moment, they might have thought that we were a couple that loved each other oh-so-much.
“Kia, please, don’t do this to me.” When he was so close to me, I could smell smoked coming from him. I pushed him away, but then he threw his arms around me and pulled me back. “Please.” He repeated.
I stood against him for some time, trying to ignore his smell and focus on his warmth, his big arms, as they caressed my skin.
I sighed and pushed myself away from him. I looked up at him, at his face, observing every detail – the way his eyes got bigger when he was desperate, the way his brown hair seemed to face every possible direction and the way his lips slightly separated as soon as my gaze brushed over them.
I then looked straight into his eyes, hiding all my warm feelings from him. “You smell of smoke.” I said and turned around, leaving him shocked and frozen.
I opened the driver’s doors and jumped onto the seat. I closed the door and started the engine.
“Soo?” Jenny breathed. “How was it?”
I gave her a meaningful look and looked back at the street.
“Oh, I see. You really broke up now, eh? I wonder if he’ll let himself accept that.”
He called me five times after I got home from shopping and left me three messages.
I read them all, since I was too bored not to.
Kia, this can’t end like this, please call me back.
The next one was:
Kia, call me, please, we can meet somewhere and talk things out.
And the next was:
Kia, I’m in the park we used to make out in, if you don’t come, I don’t care, I’ll be waiting all night.
I sighed and grabbed my jacket.
I walked down the street, listening to my iPod to My Chemical Romance. I know, it’s Emo – Emo is bad – Emo people cut themselves yadda, yadda…
Well, I never said I was Emo, and I surely was never so depressed to cut myself, so there you go, you won’t worry about me anymore.
I took the turn to the park and the route to the bench we always used to meet up at late at night.
When I got there, a dark figure sat on it, looking in the opposite direction. I sighed and walked up. I sat down next to him as he jerked his head towards me and looked at me like I came in a Banana uniform suit.
“What?” I asked him. Even in the dark I could see surprise in his face.
“You came.” He said. I smiled at him.
“You wanted to talk things out?” I asked, making myself comfortable.
“Kia, I need you.” He said, all of a sudden.
I blinked twice.
“I need you more than anything. You are the first person I feel such a strong emotion towards.”
“What about all the girls you screwed before?” I asked.
“That was nothing.” He answered. I rose my eye brows.
“You are all I ever wanted.” He said.
“How can I be sure that I am not the only girl you told this to?” I asked, putting my hands into my pink hoodie’s pockets.
“You just have to trust me.” He got closer to me.
I had to admit I have never seen him so desperate before and surely our relationship was one of the longest he has ever had, so I just had to assume that he told me the truth.
I sighed. “Alright.” I said.
He grabbed me and started kissing so hard and emotionally that I thought I would melt right there.
I hardly made myself push him away, but just a little.
“But there are some conditions.” I breathed. He started kissing my neck.
“Anything.” He said into my flesh.
“No alcohol and smokes and don’t even think about crack.” I said.
He stopped, but then continued. “Ok.” He muttered.
“You promise?” I asked.
“Yes, I promise.” He said.
“Good. Now, let’s get working.” I said and kissed him hard and intense. He pushed me down onto the bench and had my hoodie off in no time. He started kissing his way down to my chest as I hugged him tighter.
He licked the distance between my chest and chin and looked deeply into my eyes.
“I love you.”
At these words, I thought I would die.
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