• The Pie Of Day

    Written and Edited by: -Teh Grand Panthress- and Bloodstone Angel

    The venerable Evil Dictator sat at her desk with her assistant floating nearby.
    “MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!” cackled Evil Dictator. “Evil Dictator shall start an epic battle between Evil Dictator and Turkey! Evil Dictator will fulfill that by discombobulating Turkey’s Ham and carving the word DERF into the moon! And then when the epic battle comes Evil Dictator shall passionately caper to The Speckled Frogs song while wearing a salmon suit. And when Evil Dictator wins the battle, well Evil Dictator doesn’t know what Evil Dictator shall do then… but Evil Dictator will soon figure it out. Oh and Evil Dictator shall write a novella. Hmm, what should the novella be called?”
    (If you don’t know by now Evil Dictator’s name is, well,… Evil Dictator. Parliament has no idea how the name came to be but that is a different story)
    “The Day Of Pie! No wait! THE PIE OF DAY!!!!!!!! That sounds cooler,” said the assistant Snickerdoddle.
    “OHHHHHHHHHHHH Evil Dictator like that!”
    “You should use banana cream pie, I would like that very much.”
    “Yes, so would Evil Dictator. Maybe Evil Dictator should do that? Evil Dictator is more of a blue berry or cherry person. Oh and Evil Dictator should make that day a national international holiday: INTERNATIONAL PIE DAY!!!!!!!!!! Yes that would make Evil Dictator a very happy Evil Dictator.”
    “And if people don’t eat pie, they will DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”
    “Yeah Evil Dictator will be hanging those people by those people’s thumbs.”
    “Yes that too! And on that what type of pie thing; meet Evil Dictator at the tree closest to the fence and Evil Dictator and Snickerdoddle will discuss that tasty matter.
    And so Evil Dictator began to start the war but instead of blowing up Turkey’s Ham, Evil Dictator gave them a tea party. And while carving the word DERF into the moon she tripped over a bug and spelt NERF instead and the company hit an economic boom. And the plans to dress up in a salmon suit and passionately caper to The Speckled Frogs song ended up in the “traditional throwing of the tomatoes.”
    “YESSSSSSSSS! The day of October 23rd is now officially INTERNATIONAL PIE DAY!!!!!” yelled Evil Dictator.
    “Evil Dictator, Michael Jackson refuses to eat pie.”
    “Then Snickerdoddle knows what Evil Dictator and Snickerdoddle must do.”
    And so they hanged Michael Jackson by his thumbs from the tree closest to the fence and they fell off and he died.
    And the moral of the story is never to wear peanut butter on you head.