darfur

• Artist: kimnbri
• Description: bleak
• Date: 10/30/2008
• Tags: darfur

The world for you may seem alight
with happy kids at play
But the view from my point is
of poverty and decay

My world is poor
my home a shack
my food I find or steal
could you survive and stay alive
by pilfering you meals

My teeth are rotten
my body reeks
I'm scabbed and bloodied too
my medicine is spit and hope
my toes are often blue

When you die they'll bury you
and friends will pay respects
I'll be tossed in a shallow hole
forgotten in all respects

Comments

[ACE FAYCE]

Nice idea,
but the rhyming seems forced and awkward in some places.
The scheme isn't consistent either, and you typically wouldn't rhyme 'respects' with itself. You also have a few spelling/grammatical errors, but those are easily corrected.

Just my personal observations.
It's overall well done, just needs a bit of tweaking.

[sweetermomiji]

**sniffels** I love it!
Makes me sad.... :'(

[The Dung Master]

An amazing poem with so much reality 3nodding It's really not far from the truth for many people out there sweatdrop

[vardo5]

That's heavy. Really really heavy. Well done.