one person

• Artist: Sgtsaltpepperscompanion
• Description: for my gf
• Date: 07/22/2009
• Tags: personlove

In my heart she does abide
I would die to stay at her side
I know her as a good friend
I would never try to offend
She makes my life worth it
My heart beats for her
If something where to occur
I’d stay by her side
In my heart she does abide


Please review and tell me if it is good it is for my girlfriend

Comments

[StNecro]

I would die to stay at her side
For in my heart she does abide

[StNecro]

allso,

I know her as a good friend
I would never try to offend

here the structure looks like you beat it with a mace to get it to rhyme, but you lost content.

the 3 lines after that, you dont rhyme at all, and you end your poem with yet another rhyme, repeating the old english structure, but you change it a tiny bit, even though it would not have been necesary, if you had used

[StNecro]

"in my heart she does abide" is an old english sentence structure, but you use it only in that sentence.