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Always a hope in the darkness..waiting for it to finally come. sometimes I wonder how I made it this far..perhaps the conversations with friends, and trying to force a smile on my face everyday.

I guess its nice to think when its over, everything will be the way it use to be..I doubt it though..we might be happy, but this event left us in pieces..it kills me, to see my parents cry..and for myself as well..guess this is really the first time I've cried, or at least a lot..

the only thing keeping me sane now is chatting with a friend, despite that they know nothing of whats happened..perhaps it helps in a way..to have someone to talk to that doesn't know..I know some people were different around me when they found out, at least I believe so..erm, life wasn't suppose to be this way..never thought it'd be mine...I just gotta hold on for that last hope..its the final one..I don't know what'll happen if it fails...