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Stuff from my heeead..
Here's where I'll be taking things that come into my head and putting them in words on this here site for people to see.
Usually I try to have my journals make some sort of point but this time. . . I don't feel like it. I'm gonna gush about what I feel. . . whenever I gush to someone, it comes out wrong or they just take it wrong and there's feelings hurt and it just doesn't work out. Like tonight for example. . . My friend and I "venting" about alot of things which, for some reason, always leads to bashing on our other friend. I don't know what's up with you two anymore (and I say you two because, well, you're the only ones who read my journal. . . and one of them doesn't need to read this because she was there and is probably sick of this subject) DOESN'T MATTER this is MY journal and it's for ME to say what I want without getting it thrown back at me somehow. If you REALLY feel the need to say something, then whatever. >.<
But this isn't for arguments. I need someone/something that will listen and help me instead of argue or compare who's life is worse (preferably someone. . . I don't know where I'm going with this stupid journal. . . I want help and I want someone to talk to but when I do get someone, I don't know what to say or I'll say it wrong. It never seems to work out and I wish it would because I'm starting to feel really desperate and not for attention but because I hate feeling so miserable and so upset and so angry all the time. I want someone that wont judge and will accept me no matter how I say I'm feeling and no matter what my mood swings will be from day to day. I don't want pity, I want support and comfort and peace of mind. I want to be happy again. I'm only happy on those rare occasions where I'm with friends and I forget about life for just long enough for me to feel ok again. And just like an energy drink, there's always the crash and I feel like I crash so hard every time after being happy that it's hard for me to bounce back. I don't want to feel that way anymore. I feel like I've been hiding it for a long time and in the past week I haven't been able to keep it to myself and everyone's getting irritated with me. I don't want that. . . I want to stop telling myself that my friends don't like me. I want to believe I'm not as pathetic as I say I am.
I have no idea where to end this so that's it. . .
If you really want to, go ahead and comment. = /

User Comments: [4] [add]
Community Member
commentCommented on: Mon Mar 09, 2009 @ 12:01am
Well, I tried helping that night. I tried saying that everyone makes mistakes and that we aren't perfect (which is true) and you took all of my words and threw them back at me. It was alsmot like you didn't want to be helped. And a lot of the time I feel that way when I try and make it better. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, or maybe I gave up too soon. But, I was getting tired of you taking my words and basically turning them around to use against me when I was trying to appeal to you....I don't know.

commentCommented on: Mon Mar 09, 2009 @ 12:20am
. . . . sorry.

Through My Lens
Community Member
Through My Lens
Community Member
commentCommented on: Tue Feb 23, 2010 @ 01:09am
Yea... because it's my fault that I was in a bad mood. I was just supposed to take everything you said and be fine and dandy from there on out. And of COURSE I wanted to be helped! I still DO! But everytime I come to you in particular, you start talking about YOU. How hard it was for YOU when YOU were depressed and and how YOU got through it and how happy YOU are now. You totally stop listening to me and how I feel and go off on some tangent about your own life. It doesn't help at all and it ends with us arguing. That's why I don't come to you anymore. Because apparently you can't handle me when I'm in that state of mind. So now you don't have to worry about trying hard to make it better. I won't ask and YOU won't get hurt.

Hope that helps you.

User Comments: [4] [add]
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