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Light in the Dark

I need to go for a walk. I really just need to go for a walk. I need to be by myself, and think for a while about anything that will maybe help me understand myself. See I can no longer tell myself that I am fine, or that I need help. I only want to converse with me, and make myself laugh. Remind myself that maybe it’s not that bad, maybe that today is the only day that I will feel this heartache. But I’m wrong everytime. It comes back to me every second of my pathetic life. The moment that I awake and realize that I am without the biggest part of my life, the tears begin to flow. I get up and think that maybe a nice hot shower will help ease my emotional pain. But when I get into the shower, nothing changes; the desire to take my mind off of my inner pain grows stronger. And so I seek for new ways to help make my life easier, and begin to punch myself, in the arms, legs, stomach, and chest. It feels good, until I find out that it hasn’t really changed anything. I’ve only hurt myself more, and the now physical pain does not hurt enough to prevail over my emotional pain. But I put on a false smile anyway, and act like nothing is wrong. But the more I continue to do that it just builds up inside. And makes me want to end this life more. But I never do end it. I am only waiting, for something, or someone to come into my life and become the only part of my life. To become the only reason that I don’t think to kill myself every night. The unknown hero of my life has stopped me from actually killing myself. He has stopped me from giving up the most precious gift I have ever received. But does he realize… that he is all I live for? He is the reason that I want to live. Unknowingly he has stopped me from doing the worst things that a person could ever do to themselves. Unknowingly he has saved me from myself. He has become a part of me, and I want to live for him. I want to repay him by not leaving this body. I must stay with him, calm him down when at times of anger, sleep beside him at night, and spend every waking second with him. Together we will create eternal happiness, and hand in hand we will rise and fall. So I must wait for as long as it takes. Until that day, where together we will conquer any morbid presence that crosses our path. We will conquer any troubles that may arise. But for tonight, as you are not with me, I will cry again. For until we come together, I will fall into the darkest of slumbers, and dream of the only one whom brings me light.