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I started out happy but now people say that they see no more happiness in my eyes even when I smile . I think it happened when my best friend died. He was the best person you could ever meet ,but now he was dead and there was nothing I could do about it. I was sad for a really long time . Actually to tell you the truth I’m still sad but I don’t tell anyone. Middle school is such a drag with out him. Uhhh someone is knocking on the door I better open the door before they get mad at me again. I opened the door it was Melly . "Yes Melly" I said in the most kind voice I could manage . "Gabby could you come over and help with the car wash across the street?"she asked ."Sure,"
I replied grabbing my jacket on the way out the door. Ever since Angel died Melly felt it was her responsibly to get me to do things outside actually it was very annoying especially when I want to be alone and think .I usually think about his death it was an unusual death the never found his body so he never got a proper burial . That always was the thing that bothered me the most its been three years and no one has found it or figured out how he died, it upsets me its been so long .Oh they have theory’s but it’s not the same as knowing and I really want to know not guess know, now I was near tears and that brought me back to what we were doing I had almost tripped going down the steps .Luckily Melly only took that as clumsiness. "Don’t fall Gabby,"said Melly with a giggle.I looked at her and smiled as best I could.
- by Adriana Pineda |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 01/03/2009 |
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- Title: unknown
- Artist: Adriana Pineda
- Description: this is part of a story that im not sure i should continue about a girls best friend suposed death where that leads her to coment it plz tell me if i should continue it
- Date: 01/03/2009
- Tags: unknown
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Comments (4 Comments)
- kittyanimefreak - 12/02/2011
- to be frank i wasn't all that interest in the death of the friend and since it was male you either have to make them like lovers or it's not very interesting like maybe they were best friends and some jealious boyfriend killed him or something like that but i'm not interested in the overcoming sadness part if anything you should start with describing the death and hints of how her friend died and how she's trying to overcome his death by finding out what happened and keeping her feelings locked
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- Not_Goth_Just_Me - 04/02/2009
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i agree with the other guy
punctuation would make it a whole lot easier to read and follow along
but otherwise sounds like a good story - Report As Spam
- Adriana Pineda - 01/16/2009
- thanks u if anyone has other idea for this feel free to tell me
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- X-Prince Alvin-X - 01/06/2009
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I think it's a very interesting story of overcoming grief, and a side story of mystery to boot. I would love to read more. My only suggestions (and they are only suggestions) are that maybe you can spruce up the punctuation and spacing a bit. For quotes, use these "". Like
"Gabby, are you gonna help me with the car wash or what?"
"Uhh, sure, let me get my jacket."
That kind of thing. But very good story, I want more! razz - Report As Spam