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OMFG...
Just like I ******** thought! That damn message that was written on that wall in the girls locker room was for me! I ******** knew it! I was kinda pissed when she asked if I even saw the message which I don't know how she thought I could've saw it when it was in the girls locker room. This makes no ******** sense! All because I left the skate park that day! ALL BECAUSE I LEFT THAT DAMN SKATE PARK! Are you ******** serious! And now all I keep hearing from out of that girls mouth is that "you're gonna get yours" Yeah! I mean that's it! I mean this girl has no doubt in her mind that all of her emotional problems are my fault! My fault! Me! I can't believe this! So now basically it's my ******** fault that she's in that ******** mental institution! Because she had to get that message from out of her! Because I didn't approve of her cutting. Because I couldn't understand her! Give me a ******** break! I hate to sound like a ******** little b***h but honestly! What did I deserve to have this happen to me! Obviously I'm not a good boyfriend and if she had so many problems with me, WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST ******** TELL ME! I really can't get this! I mean why is it that I’m the one caught in this problem. Why is it that I can't just focus on getting myself out of high school, get a job and get into a college! I mean those three things alone is enough stress along with my mother constantly throwing fits every two seconds but why? Forget it! Theres no point in me constantly complaining about this! I'm stuck in this situation and there's no way out. Me having to be stuck in this damn situation with some girl that obviously don't know how to express her feelings the correct way. Slitting her ******** wrist, arm, whatever and letting it bleed all over the god damn walls. And then having to be sent to a damn crazy place and blaming it all on me! Me! s**t I mean take some responsibility for your actions! Stop ******** blaming others for everything that happens to you! You make your own decisions in life and whether you like them or not you have to live with it. Everything that you do is your own fault and no one elses. You made the choice. You made the decision. You agreed upon so there for you should take for responsibility for the consequences. Just because one girl got away with doing it doesn't mean the same applies to you! At least she did because her b/f was using her and she wanted to go further and couldn't. what was yours for? Because your b/f was angry at you? Because he couldn't approve of your ways and accept them? So what you do next is make it worst!?! What the ********! Honestly I don't know what to do about our relationship. Up there saying that this is all gonna be a test for me and crap! Man well ******** that! I failed! I'll let her do whatever she wants to do to me for the simple fact that deep down inside I do feel a lot of sympathy for her and do feel responsible in a lot of ways. But after that we're friends. No more. I have my own life to live. I don't need any extra pressure being put on me! I'm not losing my sanity! Hell no! we can be friends but that's it. Whatever else happens will be her decision. I'm not saying I'm giving up on her but for jesus Christ! Come on! Give me a break. I have never felt so unhappy and depressed in my life. Second after second of feeling sorry for this girl and constantly enduring this girl's none caring attitude. Having her constantly making out with other men and not fighting them off. Sitting there letting them touch all over her and not give a s**t. Running off with them and spending time with them instead of me and giving me some lame as excuse, I'm sorry that wasn't an excuse that was the truth, saying "oh I was just bord". Get the ******** outta here! I just don't know what to do anymore. Honestly I don't. for years, people have been trying to find a way to make me snap. To make me loose this "goody goody" side of mine and now the time has finally come. There's finally a person who can do so. Although she may not know it just yet, rayne and me know it for a fact! She's the one. The one who's gonna make me snap and ya know what. It's almost coming and I can't control it. Constantly trying so hard to be a good boyfriend. Always filled with regrets, despair, and sorrow just so I can make one person happy. That's all I wanted in this relationship. But if that means that I have to loose all there is to me being who I am, if I have to take away my happiness just to give someone else, who doesn't even ******** care about what I say or do, some type of happiness Then no. No more. I care but obviously if she doesn't then what the hell. What was the whole point? So I guess I'll just continue calling her on her special hours and wait til she's finally able to get out. So when the time comes where she wants to get her revenge, I'll let her. To a certain extent that is. After that, no more. I have too many other things to worry about and other friends that care a lot more about the things I say and do to constantly worry about this mess. Rayne and his well being in his new relationship, Lord Tan and his military issues, and now Usagi who I can't even get in contact with anymore. These people mean so much to me. I just wish my g/f could've been one of those friends but now that she's in that place and no longer knows when she's gonna get out. I hope she'll spend some time thinking about all of her faults and how to correct them rather then how to hurt me. I dunno, maybe I'm asking for more trouble but no one deserves to have to go through this. No one.
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