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Yes. Before it was mostly "I should kill myself" or "I'm so worthless" + Lyrics emo bullshit.
Now is good, old fashioned, pissed off Q. Which I much prefer over emo depresed worthlessness. Don't you?

Regardless.

If I rant about you, sorry. If you're in C&T you probably shouldn't read this. Because I rant about you all. It's just that a lot of things are more apparent now since I've been off for a while.

---

"Simply put, he needs time away from you." My aunt to my parents.

I've been staying with my aunt from wednesday till today. For college s**t. Basically, the whole time, she was trying to make me go to a four year traditional college. And you know what her MAIN reason was? "Because you're only 18 once" and "You should have fun."

I'm sorry if I don't think boozing, sexxing, and getting high are the social high points in my education. Boozing, sexxing, and getting high were for highschool. I'm not paying for an education just to flunk out of it like 66% of people to HAVE FUN.
I'm paying for, god forbid, EDUCATION.

Besides, I already had two colleges picked out I want to go to. IADT Tampa and Art INstitute of Atlanta(yeah, it's actually a consideration now). But NO. Their high credentials and bachelor's degrees just AREN'T "FUN" enough. I should go to a traditional four year college!

Not to mention that I can't afford to go to ANY college, or that I can't even GET INTO a traditional college because I haven't and am not going to take the SAT. OR the fact that I KNOW what my major is and I don't want to waste two whole years on general education classes that HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

General education was for K - 12. If I was going to get "general education" in college, WHAT THE [********] WAS I DOING FOR THIRTEEN YEARS IN PRIMARY AND SECONDARY SCHOOL?

K - 12 is for ******** general education. Colleges are for learning about the ******** career you want. Not two years of general education and THEN learning about the career I want. Especially for something technology-based. I want to get in the field NOW. Not sit on my a** in a general education class and get behind the itmes, here.

Not to mention that, but we hardly even talked about colleges, even thought hat was the purpose of the trip. I just got the same speech over and over again. Traditional colleges are fun, great, and you're only eighteen once.

******** FLIPPITY DOO DAH I ONLY NEEDED FIVE MINUTES TO ACCOMPLISH THAT.

Not 4 miles of 3 different traditional four year colleges, and not being forced to sit in a college admissions counselor office talking about traditional four year colleges that I'm not interesting in going to, and not four days at somebody else's house getting the same speech about only being eighteen once and how four year traditional colleges are the only type of post-secondary schooling that's any fun or even worth anything in life.

Not only that, but I was her personal "do-this" b***h. Yeah, okay, I admit, she suggested and I said okay. But still. I'm a guest. Come ON.
I took the christmas tree down for her, I put away the christmas decorations, I made set, and unset the table multiple times, I went shopping with her, I helped her train her dog, I installed a dog skyline type of thing, which took a few hours, I went to her parents/my grandparents house with her, I was her time manager(seriously, there is no one who can be as late so often as she can), I helped her cook, I tasted her food, and I had to the sit there in a very awkward social setting when she got pissed and depressed about her divorce and how her (ex)-husband is in Moscow ******** a second and perhaps even fourth wife he had had for a majority of the marriage, and when her son got fired.

I'm sorry, I thought this whole vacationt his was for me to learn about MY education. Not me learning about your life and caring for your house, your kid, your depression, or the education you think is the best, because oh yeah, you're only 18 once and traditional four year colleges are the only way to have fun.

But in defense of her, we did have some interesting talks about life. When I got there, and in the car on the way there. After the first day that was over, it was all her spouting about how you're only 18 once and four year traditional colleges are the only way to have fun.

While I was there it wasn't so bad. It was when I got back that was harsh. Finally, I had my own life, and it was as if I was living WITH someone instead of living UNDER someone in authority.
So I get back, and all that is gone; I've lost my status as level-respected social citizen. I am now child who is free labor.

I mentioned how i needed to buy my secret santa gift for a C&T regular(I got mine the other day- I have a rant about that later). My dad said he wouldn't drive me because there was nothing in it for him(we just had a conversation about why I shouldn't do chores without an allowance- which they keep saying they'll give me but never have since I got fired from my first job).
I said fine, I'll walk. To the store to get the present, I mean.

My mom pipes in and says no way. I yell at her because ever since... Ever, she won't let me cross the road to Blockbuster, which is literally across the road from my house. It's a four lane street but I'm 18, and she has NEVER let me cross it because she's worried about my health.

Yes, mother. I'm so stupid I can't cross the road. When I live on my own, I'll make sure that any time I want to cross a road, I'll find someone's adult hand to hold as I cross it, because I just can't do it alone. It's so unsafe.

Like holding onto somebody else's hand is gonna protect me. Come on.

My dad claims he didn't know my mom wouldn't let me walk anywhere, and they had a small scuffle, ended with him saying, "Oh get over it." which I think put my mom in her place. I understand worrying about it. But not letting me do it when I'm a ******** adult is just ludicris.

I got home and the first thing they do is put me to work. I'm on the computer in C&T answering questions, and within the first five minutes my dad comes up and asks me to help my mom with the housework. I explain that I already spent the whole week doing housework for my aunt, but he just stands there. I say I don't want to help my mom with stuff she said she was going to do herself(I know, snotty, but I was tired. I just got back from south carolina). I went back to answering questions in C&T.

He's still standing there.

"You're not goingt o leave until I go help mom, are you?"
- "Yeah, pretty much."
"Then why didn't you just TELL me to go help her?! That would've been easier than ASKING me, and making it SEEM like I have a choice in the matter."

He always does that. He always asks when he means an order. Wtf. This is why I always say no. Because I know I don't have a choice, I want to piss him off, and MAYBE there's that SMALL semblance of a chance that he ACTUALLY meant it as a question.
But no, it's never like that.

My secret santa gift. The whole C&T secret santa is bugging the hell out of me. we were supposed to get our names by December 11th and send the presents, under 20 USD, by the 25th. But we got our names january 1st, and there is no deadline.

I go to Hawaii on Thursday, and I have no clue how to buy my gift. Okay, I'll come out and say it. It's RAM. It's a certain type of RAM. I have no idea how to buy ram. I'm thinking it's a type of stick. Everyone in C&T calls ram ram sticks.

But my dad thinks I'm talking about a usb drive when I say ram stick. He's thinking memory + stick = memory stick = usb drive = ram stick.
So I say that no, that's not it, it's a stick of ram you stick into the computer.. He's like.. Where do you stick the ram stick?
Hell if I know. So I say I'm just going to tell the people who sell computer parts that I need this certain type of ram, and they can figure it out. I don't know anything. At this point, I think I might just send my guy a money order for 20 dollars and say i was going to buy a ram stick but I was too stupid to figure out how ram sticks worked. I might just do that. Besides, it's way past christmas already and he probably bought his own ram stick. That's what happened with half the gifts my brother wanted.

He said he needed these things so we bought them for christmas, but when he comes down for christmas it turns out he already bought the things because - get this - he needed them. So maybe my guy will find more value in 20 dollars than me trying and failing to get a ram stick.

My own secret santa gift was a bust. I got two sketch pads, a sketch calender(basically make your own pictures in the calendar), two graphite pencils(HB and 2B) and a "non-photo blue".

I knew from the start it was going to be hard to get a gift for me- for whoever got my name in the secret santa. So whatever they did get, I assumed I'd be glad that they didn't just give me money, and thought over it. And I have to say that traditional media was really thinking well, because hardly anyone knows that draw.
The only problem with the gift is this:

- I already have a zillion blank sketchbooks
- I already have a calendar, which I don't think I'm going to take down to display my crappy drawings
- I have no idea of any signifigance of the measurements of HB and 2B since I never took an art class
- And I'm stuck with this "Non-photo blue" pencil thinking "wtf is this for?"

The graphite pencils are cool, though. I'll give you that. I just guess I'm not sure what the difference is in the 2B and HB. It's like .07 and .05 lead. Nobody cares. It's just a stipulant on which type of refill lead you have to buy. So is HB just like thicker than 2B or something? I have no ******** idea. But they're cool looking regardless, and I'll probably use them. Any pencil that has some type of shiny, steel/metal case instead of the drab wood if cool by my standards.

But I don't draw a lot. I color. On the computer. So that kind of negates that process, now doesn't it? Gragh. X|

And this "non-photo blue"... WTF is that? It's a blue colored pencil, and it has some "special" words in front of the color. I'm sure it's used for something specific, but what the hell am I supposed to use it for? Like I said, I've only taught myself everything and never taken an art class(that was worth taking, anyway) so I have NO IDEA what this pencil is FOR.

I'm assuming it's something special because nobody gives another person a random colored pencil instead of the whole colored pencil set(unless it's white... Or maybe black. But definately white). But blue? I'm just not sure I'm understanding this whole "non-photo blue" thing. So what? Can you write on everything known to man EXCEPT for photos? Because.. You can do that with any pencil. You don't need the color blue. I'm confused. Help me here.

Not only that, but my parents won't stop talking about how I can't go to Hawaii in ripped jeans. IT'S HAWAII. NOBODY CARES. If anything, they require shorts and a flower necklace. Come ON. But she was saying I wouldn't fit some of the restaraunt dress codes. Okay. I'll wear khakis, then. Same damn pants, somehow FASHIONABLE COLOR. Oh no, she says. I need brand new pants.

I don't need new pants! I have too many pants as it is! BUT OH NO, KHAKIS JUST WON'T CUT IT FOR HAWAII.

Yeah. You want to pay for new pants go right ahead, but I'm not paying for them nor going with you. Smartass.

And C&T. Full of DUMBASSES.
I know it's getting run over, but still.

One guy asked how to get a scrolling area in his myspace page. He shouldn't have mentioned myspace, because the WHOLE thread was all "I have a myspace!" or "I hate myspace" or "I don't know how to solve your problem" or "Good luck".

HOW HARD IS IT TO NOT POST WHEN YOU DO NOT HAVE AN ANSWER FOR THE PROBLEM AT HAND? REALLY!

I tried ot report the whole thread and say "this thread is full of morons who don't know how C&T works. Banninate them all plzkthxbai" But it appears as if someone already did that. Or I can only hope.

Then, someone asking how to rip audio from a DVD about two days a go showed up. Joda was helping her and the person who was trying to rip the audio from the DVD was getting all kinds of errors. So I give her my guide on how to rip audio and/or video from DVDs. Always pimp it out; it's a very noobtacular guide, anybody could read it and figure it out. It has pictures.

But no no no, the person in need doesn't even BOTHER trying to look at the guide from the guyw ho actually knows what he's doing; she'd rather fuss with some random freeware from videohelp.com that joda linked to that DOESN'T EVEN WORK ON HER SYSTEM.

God forbid, woman. If it doesn't work TRY ANOTHER ******** PROGRAM.

Then there's the girl who has two loadbars for some godforsaken reason in her flash. I told her that a. she needs to link to the fla and not the swf for future reference(fla is the project file) b, NOBODY HERE COULD HELP HER AND SHE SHOULD ASK ACTIONSCRIPT.ORG, and c, that the problem might b where she's asking it to load her text file, and that she should just use a premade loadbar.

In response, she links to the fla, and asks for help again, because I guess she REALLY wants that second loadbar. She gets a lot of stupid replies like "use this instead" which is just the first loadbar(which she obviously wanted 2 from her reply to my post), that her text file should be on the internet as well as the .swf to work(which the address for the internet-loaded text file was CLEARLY VISABLE in the actionscript she quoted in her first post) and something about .swb files from some other guy.
I can only assume he meant swf files but he said swb and the girl came back telling him that swb files had nothing to do with anything.

DEAR GOD WOMAN. ACTIONSCRIPT.ORG. I SAID NO ONE HAD ENOUGH EXPIERENCE TO HELP YOU HERE.

Why does nobody listen to me?
WHHHHY???

You know, if she had said, "Thanks, but I'm going to stay here for a while longer" then I could understand. But she didn't even bother looking at the website, I bet.
Just like the other girl who I gave the ripping guide to.

They're both women. I think I see a pattern here. In fact, every problem I had today was from a woman.

OMG WOMEN SUCK.

O RLY?

Varus online everyone. Varus online. People are nice and intelligent and LISTEN TO YOU on Varus. Gaia < Varus.

go plzkthxbai.