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Mind ********
This whole week has been pretty rough, but like a good little doggy, I'm too stupid to really realize it until it was forced on me. Until the veil was just pulled away from my eyes.

I'm seeing color now...

Lately, my mind has become garbled. My speech is worse, wrong words are being said. Words that only sound like the ones I want are being said, or the singular form is said when I want the plural.

A simple sentence, "Wow, that is awesome!" Can just as easily be, and commonly is, slurred into, "Whoah! That if awestruck!"

Nobody seems to notice, or just thinks it's me being funny.
I used to crrect myself. Like, when I used a present tense instead of a past tense.

"When I open the door. When I opened the door."
-"Why did you repeat that?"
"I was correcting myself.."

Since then I've given up on it.

My once complex thoughts have become simpler.
What was once "I wonder where Unicorns have existed for such a long time that they have not seen man," has become, "Unicorns exist."

And while normally this would bother me, it wasn't. My IQ, now rapidly dropping, has become something I am now immune to unless someone reminds me of what I once was.

I mentioned getting stupider to my psychiatrist, briefly. I had a psychotic break over it last month while talking to my mother. Nothing happened.
It was brief. Nobody seemed to care, and the moment passed.

Since then, I've become "sick" almost every weekend, and have been issues a neurologist appointment for "intentional hand tremors" and a retake on a blood test for heightened white blood cell count in two weeks.

I am becoming frequently tired in the mornings, unable to make myself get up as quickly as before, and unable to stay awake as long. Because of this, my first period class suffers. However, this class is pretty much a slack class, so thank God.

Also new to me is a severe case of A.D.D. I thought I knew what it was when I was really depressed, or when I was bored. I now realise that A.D.D. is a real problem, and although it is great to make fun of, it's not that great when actually trying to do something.

I figured procrastination was just laziness on my part, but now I am beginning to rethink this, since I procrastinate till the last minute, start to do it, then stop frequently in the middle, being distracted. I usually end up never finishing it.

Accompanying this is the boredom. Too many things are being shoved at me in one time; it's like an accute form of autism.
During the boredom, I turned over a piece of paper, and began writing. Not writing in the normal sense, but the type of writing where you just let your hand go and don't think about anything as it's moving.
This came up with a very creepy result, but didn't phase me at all, because I was giddy at the time.

With my IQ dropping, so has my memory. Usually, if you take one of those annoying vocab books, and read through the words and definitions right before the test or quiz, you're prone the ace the quiz or test.
Right after I read things, I forget them.
I'm failing quizzes and tests, even though I'm looking at the answers right before the test.

The writing I did on the paper in class, with the creepy results, I took out to scan. I put it aside- distinctly on the bed. And when I turn around, it is gone. I can't find it at all in the room. There is no explanation for the sudden dissappearance. It couldn't have gone anywhere.
Is it the will of God? Fate and Life laughing at me?
"This is the truth, and as such, must be hidden as heresy"?
"An adventurer must not find what he seeks, or he will seek no more"?

If this weren't disturbing enough, I cannot remember my dreams.
As a Cherokee, I am very connected to my dreams. I believe they mean things, and it has proven that I have certain, although increasingly minute, psychic abilities within my dreams. So not remembering them is very scary for me.

I will wake up, thinking I have dreamed nothing, yet later in the day, I will have something eating away at me. And in true anime fashion, when I try to find it, it is as if I'm walking through a thick mist, and the things being seen and said in the dreams are muted.

If my medicine were not wearing off right now, I probably would never have thought so well over this without giving up halfway between.
I probably would shrug this off as nothing.
In fact, as soon as I take my meds tomorrow, I will shrug it off and call it another playful day.





 
 
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